When Sadness Creeps In

My five, sweet, newborn little kittens just died. I adopted them two weeks ago. My heart melted when I saw them on the street. I picked them up and took them home. I bought everything they need like tote bags, feeding bottles, food, and kitten milk replacement formula for their small, frequent feedings. I also built their bed.
They didn't have a mama to provide warmth so I put them under the drop light.
At home, I placed them on my bed and I slept with my kittens beside me. They liked to tuck under my feet. When they cried, I prepared their feeding bottles, sterilized them, and heated the formula. I fed them one by one the whole night. I bathed them. I played with them. I still remember that they used to play with my hands. In the office, I thought about them every single second. I had to go back home to see them and feed them during my break time.

Yesterday, my kittens suddenly lost their appetite and became very lethargic.
They refused to drink their milk and slept the whole day. I should have brought them to my vet but I had to go back to my office immediately because my boss was waiting for me. I begged for my sister to look after my kittens and to my disappointment, she didn't. She hates my pets. She did not heed my instructions. I left my house at 6:00AM and I went back home at 1:00PM. I left again at 2:30PM. I was out until 10:00PM. When I arrived home, I saw them pale and dead.
I was crying last night while picking up their bodies. I love them so much. I experienced a great loss for the second time. I lost my little turtle when I was a child because it was attacked by the lobster... And now my kittens...


My kittens became the constant source of my happiness and now that they are gone, I don't know how I can go on with my life. I want to die...
I know that this feeling is just fleeting.
I have to go.